Death Note on Crack
by MyShadowOfDoom
Summary: What happens when two teenage girls are left with a keyboard… a fanfic of course! But what does this fic involve? Co-Written with fan-girl97. Pure crack fanfic. COMPLETE
1. Backspace

**Back space**

**Summary: What happens when two teenage girls are left with a keyboard… a fanfic of course! But what does this fic involve? Mikami and Ryuk.  
**

**My friend fan-girl97 and I came up with this idea when reading Death Note over the weekend. Hope you like it.**

**Oh yeah, think about a keyboard when you read this.**

**This is the First chapter of the Death Note on Crack series! There are many more stories to come!  
**

**Back Space**

Mikami Teru was writing the names in the death note of the evil enemies that were defying justice.

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

Ryuk sighed. "Don't you ever get tired of saying the same word over and over and over and over and over and over?" he asked.

Mikami frowned. "Okay, Back space."

"Back space."

"Back space."

"… O H B A space bar T S U G U M I delete, enter…"

"O B A T A space bar T A K E S H I…" he sat for a moment and thought. "Delete – no backspace – NO CTRL Z!" he screamed.

Ryuk just stared at the strange man.

"F A N dash G I R L 9 7 backspace, enter…"

"M Y no space bar S H A D O W no space bar O F no space bar F not F! D! D!... There we are… now where were we O O M, delete, enter…"

*Over the next few days*

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Backspace."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Delete."

"Ctrl Z."

"Don't you ever get tired of saying the same thing?" Ryuk asked after getting REALLY bored of watching Mikami 'delete' and his new computer keyboard imitating. Ryuk snatched an apple of the desk.

"Do you ever get tired of eating apples?" Mikami snapped back at Ryuk.

"Touché."

**Hehehehehe,**

**Hope you liked it!**

**Please review!**


	2. Chocolate Withdrawal

**Chocolate Withdrawal**

**Here is another chapter!**

**Mello X Misa**

**Chocolate Withdrawal**

Mello was going for a nice stroll when suddenly.

"HI! You look like a pretty girl… We're gonna go shopping and get makeovers!" A blond girl exclaimed and grabbed Mello's hand, taking him to the mall.

"Ah…" Mello said shocked. He then took a bite out of his chocolate before he could lash his concealed envy of Near at the girl.

Misa frowned. "You're going to get fat if you continue to eat all this chocolate." She said and took the bar off of him, throwing it into the bin nearby.

Mello looked at the girl shocked.

_WTF?_

The girl then smiled at him. "I'm Misa! Let's be friends!"

"I'm a boy you F***ing retard."

"Well, while you eat chocolate like a girl during that time of month and have acne problems like a girl, I'll continue to treat you as a girl, who is my new best friend."

Misa then dragged Mello to every clothes shop in the biggest mall she could find and bought him girly outfits. Every time Mello went to buy a chocolate bar, Misa would smack his hand and drag him away.

Mello was desperate from some chocolate. He felt like he was going to scream.

"Come on Mello, you have to go to my house for a sleepover!" Misa screamed and dragged him all the way to her and Lights suite.

"My fiancé isn't here at the moment; he is working at the Police station. His name is Light Yagami, you have probably heard of him." She said when they arrived at the bedroom.

For 3 WHOLE days they didn't eat anything except for organic healthy foods. And they didn't watch anything except for girly, sappy romantic movies – which Mello cried hysterically through all of them (Marly and Me, The Notebook, Letters to Juliet, Titanic, Romeo and Juliet, Moulin Rouge, etc.).

Plus, Misa wouldn't stop droning on and on and on about her fiancé and how he is working on the Kira case as L but he is actually Kira and all that sort of stuff.

But, of course, Mello was so out of it, thinking too much of chocolate and didn't listen to a word Misa had said…

Mello couldn't take it anymore, so he did what any desperate blonde must do, he rang his boyfriend.

So soon enough, Matt came and broke Mello out of the suite. How, you may ask… with a sale sign.

And as soon as Matt did this, Mello ran all the way to the nearest, biggest most popular chocolate store in Japan. This happened to be 10 minutes down the road.

But instead of buying chocolate like you'd expect him too, he broke down crying in the middle of the store.

"Why? So many! So many! I can't choose!"

**Hehehe, this was so fun to type!**

**We hope you like it!**

**MyShadowOfDoom and fan-girl97**


	3. My Name is

**My Name is…**

**Hope you like it!**

**Matsuda X L X Randoms**

**WARNING: SPOILERS and drug use. (Fan-girl97 and I have NEVER EVER USED DRUGS! We got this info off movies and spiders on crack (a youtube video))**

**My Name is…**

Matsuda walked up to L and handed him a packet of something.

"Here L, this is what real people take." He said.

L frowned and looked at the powdery substance. Shrugging and not thinking anything bad will happen, he tried some of it.

His eyes widened and he quickly down the rest of the substance.

Soon L was running around the streets and up to random people.

"Hi, my name is L Lawliet."

"Hi, I'm L Lawliet."

"L Lawliet's my name and catching Kira is my game."

"L Lawliet is my name, don't ware it out."

Everyone just looked at him weirdly and walked away, their hands covering the pocket the purse/wallet was in.

"L Lawliet's the name." he said to another random. The random smiled at him.

"Hey L, its Matsuda!" the random said.

"Hi." L said and walked off.

Matsuda frowned. "Maybe I shouldn't have given L the drugs… it seemed like a good idea at the time!"

**Hehehehe**

**Sorry it was so short!  
**

**Please review!**

**Fan-girl97 and MyShadowOfDoom**

**Oh yeah, if you review telling us off for telling you L's real name, we won't be happy! We warned you about spoilers.**


	4. No Fashion Sense

**Hope you like the chapter!**

**Chapter 4: No Fashion Sense**

Misa screamed.

WHAT WAS SHE WEARING!

It was horrible! Ugly!

Everything clashed! Nothing went together!

She looked like a troll!

She had a bright pink frilly skirt on with dark blue leggings with yellow stars and a red singlet shirt with a monkey on it with a big cheesy smile. She had on some joggers, an orange and black cardigan and her hair up in a high pony tail.

"AAAAAAH~!" she screamed again.

This definitely wasn't her day.

Suddenly, someone pushed her out the door and into the street.

Everybody gathered at the festival saw her in this ridiculous outfit.

A small boy from the crowd screamed causing Misa to scream and try and hide. She started running. She had gotten maybe 2 metres before she ran into a pole and becoming unconscious.

**~The Next Day~**

Misa turned on the television to watch her favourite anime show, 'Ouran high school host club'.

But instead of the anime channel, she turned on the fashion channel and for 2.10 hours watched yesterday's events over and over with many stylists and home viewers commenting on her outfit.

She sat there mortified. She sat there for 2 days without moving for anything.

(I personally hope she gets u for the finale of this fanfic, it gonna be great)

**Eh, sorry it's so short!**

**Please review!**


	5. All Grown Up

**Here is the next chapter!**

**Chapter something or other: All grown Up**

**Random POV**

I pushed him down.

"If you can't act an adult for once, I'll pop a cap in her ass." I yelled (Youtube; spiders on drugs)

He trembled at the image of his mother being shot dead. I stalked out of the room and laughed maniacally.

**Near's POV**

I couldn't let my mother die not after I spent 3 years searching for her. I can't believe she married that creep. I can't believe he's my father. I can't believe that after she left me and got a divorce she RE-MARRIED him.

I fled the house in such a rush that I knocked a picture of my mother and I in hospital when I was born, off the entrance table.

**~The Next Day~**

Near looked around the room admiring his handy work, all his clothes had been replaced with suites, ties and formal wear, his anime collection, posters and figurines had been stored away along with ALL of his toys.

He would start a new life as a detective who was grown up and take over L.

So off he went, out his front door and into…

**_A TOY FESTIVAL_**

"AAAAAH!" Near screamed and collapsed.

Something told him it was time to get all his toys back…

**Lol, hope you liked it!**

**Please review!**

**Fan-girl97 & MyShadowOfDoom**

**XD**


	6. Viva Las Vegas

**Here is the next chapter! Hope you like it!**

**Sorry it took so long!  
**

**Viva Las Vegas**

**Misa's POV**

I can't believe that Light brought me to Vegas! I've always wanted to be married by Elvis!

Light and I walked down the road from our small hotel to the Casino. He was playing poker and kept asking me to get him drinks. So I kept going back and forth, back and forth. One time I even saw some girl trying to seduce my Kira! Grr, I'll kill her when I go home!

"Light, honey would you like to go back to the hotel?" I asked in what I imagined as a sexy voice.

"Bring me another drink, Misa and I'll think about it?" He said groggily.

I really wanted to go home so I brought him something a little stronger and sure enough we were on our way, but not in the direction of our hotel…

Soon enough we arrived at a small church with dimming lights and a sign.

'_Marriages:_

_Get married by Elvis, all recorded on camera for your personal use later.'_

I couldn't believe that my Light was finally ready to marry me! I walked in comfortably taking the lead and dragging him behind. We paid and were standing in front of Elvis in less than 12 minutes. We didn't have any rings so the lady at the desk had given us mood rings (YAY).

I didn't pay attention to the ceremony until Elvis said, "Do you take each other to be your lawful wedded partners?"

I thought he said something different, but anyway.

"I do!" I almost screeched.

"Yeah whatever," my handsome light replied.

"You may kiss the bride!" proclaimed Elvis.

Light and I got a taxi home and I had a wonderful night snuggled up against me Light.

**Light's POV**

I woke up in our crappy hotel room with Misa's head against my chest.

My head was throbbing... Maybe I shouldn't have had that last whatever it was. I lifted my left hand to wipe my face and saw a silly looking ring on my ring finger and looked back at Misa to find she had the exact same ring on hers. But you only wear a ring on that finger once you're…married.

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh" (cry could be heard from Switzerland).


	7. Light's Dad Returns

**Light's Dad returns**

**Lights POV**

You know secretly deep down there's this tiny, tiny, miniscule sliver of sadness over the death of my father. He was there through my childhood, he got me closer to killing L (though I'm still not there, yet). He was my father…

Who gives a crap?

I will be the god of the world (hahahahahahahahahah x infinity).

It was 3:00 in the morning and I couldn't sleep. I went back to mum's house. It held an eerie silence to it since dad died and Sayu was traumatised. I walked upstairs and into my old room which had been turned into a sewing room. On the balcony was a figure, I slowly approached it silently and then suddenly it turned around.

"D-D-Dad?" I stuttered.

_He was dead; I am hallucinating. Wake up. _

I continued trying to convince myself that this could not be happening.

He smiled a devilish smile and walked towards me. He held out his hand and then the light reflected off his teeth and I saw that they were pointed.

"Your mother was always so delectable, I can't believe it took me this long to sink my teeth into her." His sentence creped me out and he was generally creeping me out.

"Your sister however wasn't so nice, it might have been the fact that her legs never moved and she was tough. Hmmm I just don't know but then I have my son walk right in front of me, he smells of death and evil." He continued.

"I might keep you around, you might bring me some entertainment." And with that he disappeared into the night.

When morning arouse I looked into mum's room to find her body covered with a small hint of blood, dead. I ran to Sayu's room and found the same thing. I had three options

1~ Forget this ever happened and remove all evidence that I was here.  
2~ Tell the police the truth and get me locked up.  
3~ Make something up.

But I didn't know about the imposter that was trying to be my dad, maybe it will make sense to me later.

I shrugged my shoulders.

Meh.

**Hope you like it! Please review!**


	8. The Evil New Zealand Colony

**This is dedicate to fan-girl97's friend Delaney, Hamish and Andy, Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy and the children's show I.N.K. This is also dedicated to Jaedon's (MyShadowOfDoom, Jappa and Ashleigh131) partner, and friendship group.**

**This is the last chapter guys! Sorry it took so long to get out! Thank you to all the reviewers and readers!**

**Warning: There is a bit of swearng. Sorry to all those minors reading.**

**Final Chapter: The Evil New Zealand Colony **

Light was waiting. He was waiting for the perfect time to strike. Any moment now the perfect moment was going to strike and Light was waiting for it.

Suddenly, in his line of view, a small, white and extremely fluffy object bounced into his line of vision. As Light stared at the fluffy creature (as he came to realise), it began to duplicate until soon, most of the room was filled with these small, white and extremely fluffy creatures.

All around his Light could hear whispering. He looked around the room of white and focused on one of the creatures. He blinked in shock.

_I'm surrounded by rabbits... What the fuck?_

Light pulled his Death Note out of his bag and admired the leather black cover for a moment before opening the cover. Flicking through the first few pages of rules, Light was soon staring at all the names of the people he killed. Reflection on the events he had come to see in his time as Kira.

_God, _he thought as he turned the page over, _I'm turning into a sympathetic loser. God help me._

There was suddenly a flash of white and he looked up. Nothing had changed except for the room being covered with white rabbits. Light looked back down at his notebook and started to panic.

It was gone.

"Shit!" he cursed, "Where did it go?"

"Quack."

Light blinked as silence fell over the room. Not a single rustle or shuffle.

"Quack"

Light frowned. _Is that a... duck?_

"Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack..." the quacking grew louder as Light looked around the room flabbergasted as the rabbits _quacked._

"Okay Light," he said to himself, "If I look around I'm sure I'll find the notebook. And then I'll be able to get the fuck out of here and away from the quacking rabbits. And everything will be _fine_."

As he finished his short pep-talk he tried to make his way through the rabbits covering every inch of the floor; his search for the Death Note not going well as he tripped over a rabbit and landed on a duck.

After landing on the duck, Light was happy to know that the rabbits weren't the ones quacking.

Slowly growing frustrated when he couldn't find the death note, Light sat down on the floor, not knowing what else to do.

The door was thrown open, and in marched a mouse. But not just any mouse. The Evil New Zealand Mouse. It suddenly dawned on Light. These weren't just any ducks and rabbits. They were all part of the Evil New Zealand Mouse's colony. And the last thing he heard, this Evil New Zealand Mouse wanted to steal the Death Note for his own devilish plans. And he had succeeded in stealing the death note.

"Now worthless, pathetic, moronic, Japanese, considerable good looking human. I Slartibartfarst, **(1) **leader of the T. O. T. W. D. S. B. T. N. Z. D. M. A. R.; which means: Take over the world, domination scheme by the New Zealand ducks, mice and rabbits, order you to bow down before us and make us your leader. If you do not comply with our demands, I will write your name in the..." the mouse pauses, his beady black eyes looking straight into Light's skull... "DEATH NOTE." He cried in a dramatic voice. **(Bum bum buuuuuummmmmmm)**

"Umm... Also the mice would like some cheese and crackers, bit if there's no cheese, crackers will do just fine." He said as an afterthought. Light nodded and pulled a box of crackers out of his pocket.

"Here,"

There was a large swarm as the mice ran towards Light and his crackers.

There was a loud creak.

Everyone looked up just in time to see the chandelier fall on top of Light, knocking him into the oblivion known as unconsciousness.

**~2.8765498 days later~**

Light groaned as he opened his eyes. All he could see was white as his eyes tried to adjust to the light. He looked around the white hospital room, trying to remember how he got there.

He could vaguely remember a dream of ducks, rabbits and mice but shook his head. He's had quite a few weird dreams after getting the death note.

There was a small groan next to him where Misa was lying in a light sleep. Sighing, Light closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

**~ DNOC final chapter's page break ~**

Light was release later that day and went to L's head quarters. While there they got a call from Mello and Matt who had teamed up with Near and wanted to discuss how the hunt for Kira was going.

After they organised a designated place, they met up.

It was the Disney Land Fun House.

In the middle of the room there was a circular table that everyone sat around. It was a mix between a Men in Black and Knights of the Round Table Scenario.

The room was quiet – except for the murmurs of Misa and Matsuda who had found the muffin table – as they assessed each other. Mello began talking about how their progress was coming along. L interrupted

L interrupted and asked how he received this information and Matt replied by stating that while Mello was in a comatose state of chocolate withdrawal he could hear a voice telling him about Kira.

At hearing the name Mello, Misa turned around to find Mello munching on a chocolate bar. She went up to him and snatched it out of his hands.

"Bestie, I told you that if you eat chocolate you will get fat and have acne issues. What kind of bestie would I be I let you become fat with acne issues?' Misa stated.

Mello looked at her with slight recognition.

"Misa, darling," Light all be gritted his teeth, "How do you know Mello?"

"She's my bestie who I helped get over her chocolate additction." Misa smiled.

"I'm not a fucking girl you retarded Prostitute. I'm a boy I have male anatomy and I have a boyfriend." He yelled at Misa and then awkwardly sat down. Matt put his arms around Mello trying to ease his tensed body.

The room was quiet for quite some time. Nobody except Matsuda, noticed that while Mello was yelling another person had joined them at the table, his face was hidden by the shadows and Matsuda could not recognise him, and was surrounded by fluffy white things.

"Hello everyone, it's good to know that some things haven't changed," said the mysterious man.

"Mr Yamagi?" L asked, shocked.

"OH MY GOD! It wasn't a dream you really did kill mother and Sayu, you creepy stalker!" Light was in hysterics and the rest of the group were torn between being awed by Mr Yagami's life or wanting to bitch-slap Light.

"I have been resurrected by the T. O. T. W. D. S. B. T. N. Z. D. M. A. R. (Take over the world, domination scheme by the New Zealand ducks, mice and rabbits) order, as a vampire. I require blood to live, I cannot walk in sunlight and I for God's sake DO NOT SPARKLE! The T. O. T. W. D. S. B. T. N. Z. D. M. A. R. (Take over the world, domination scheme by the New Zealand ducks, mice and rabbits) order are going to use the Death note to take over the world and force everyone to obey their will. I have joined them because as a member we get a free membership to Costco." Mr Yagami explained.

"Wow! How do I join?" Asked Matsuda, hope shining in his eyes.

"You have to join T. O. T. W. D. S. B. T. N. Z. D. M. A. R. Of course!" Mr Yagami said.

"I'M IN!" everyone except Light yelled.

Light looked around shocked.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?" he asked amazed.

"Costco is AMAZING!" they all replied.

"It is up to you Light," Mr Yagami said, "they Fate of the world is in your hands. It's either Join us or Die." He said.

Light bit his lip.

_What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?_

He grinned. "I will join you."

He turned and looked out of the window and yelled to the room.

"GO TO HELL MOTHER FUCKERS!"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" The room laughed.

**THE END**

**(1) ****Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy**

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry again for the swearing!**


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